Missing:

"fred's nostrils"

kirby, revisited

ever since getting this cna job i've been looking for something else, so a few weeks back i saw a job ad for a water analyst. it had a good sign-on bonus and i was going to omaha to apply for a meter reader job anyway so i thought i'd drop by. it was one of those group-interview events so there were tables set up in a hotel conference room and we all went in and sat down at one to fill out an application. so this man comes to the front of the room and starts talking about the poor quality of city water, how it can have more chlorine than a swimming pool is supposed to have and what a great service we do for people by testing their water. then he started talking about product warranties and how "our product" has a lifetime guarantee. whoa there, buddy. all of a sudden the focus switched from a service to a product and i realized this job wasn't what i thought it was. this setup sounded suspiciously similar to selling kirbys, only this was a water filtration system.

kirby goes around offering free carpet cleaning and then tries to sell them the machine. rain-soft offers free water testing then tries to sell them a filtration system. it was exactly the same.

he talked about how the office sets up most appointments, but you get a bonus when you set up your own. (i thought, sure, next thing you know we'll be selling them door to door.) he wrote some figures on the board about how much you could theoretically make in a week. i folded up my application and slipped it in my pocket. he continued the tally to add up the monthly commission for three sales per week with bonuses added in every five or so sales. others were busy scribbling down cash figures; i began glancing around to find the nearest exit. when he turned around to write the six-figure income you could make in a year, i slipped out the back door.

i had to laugh on my way out of the hotel because it was so like deja-vu. i felt such a sense of freedom, like i had escaped a trap. i can't really explain how good it felt to know beyond a doubt that it was not for me and no matter how much earning potential there was i could walk away without regret. for once i was sure of something. those poor souls with dollar signs in their eyes had no idea what was coming. well, good luck to them anyway. i was gone.